COLUMBIA, IL – Small cap bank STY Bankshares, Inc. is in jeopardy of filing for Chapter 7 of the United States Bankruptcy Code after investing several millions of dollars of corporate capital into “The World’s Largest NCAA Tournament Challenge.”
According to management, this controversial investment was placed in an effort to rescue investors from toxic assets on the company’s balance sheet. A once proud financial institution, STY has been facing financial difficulties for the past several months.
The company’s rapid descent from profitability to obscurity has been described by one employee as “the sort of thing that would remind the CNBC guys to refill their Xanax.”
On March 14, 2009, the time conference basketball tournaments were wrapping up, executive management for STY fired their head mortgage lender, and hired a young hotshot fresh out of the Ohio State University Sports Management Program named Archibald “Ace of Spades” Miller.
“His resume was immaculate,” said STY president and CEO Farleigh Johnson of Miller. “At OSU basketball games he made the Provincial Homestead half-court shot on two different occasions…blindfolded.”
Ace Miller, as he prefers to be addressed, was recruited to oversee STY’s new plan for raising capital. With the support of management, Miller created the ‘ultimate’ bracket and entered it into the “The World’s Largest NCAA Tournament Challenge" on behalf of STY.
Initially, employees were ecstatic with management’s aggressive methods for saving the bank with Miller leading the charge.
“Ace’s confidence in his bracket was really contagious,” added one employee. “It felt like the old days, when people felt good about working at STY.”
However, the renewed confidence at STY was soon replaced by thoughts of skepticism toward Ace. When several of the bank’s employees gathered to watch the opening round of the NCAA tournament at Johnson’s home, a glaring truth became apparent.
“Ace kept rooting for the New England Patriots,” said one disgruntled employee. “At first we thought he was joking and had a good laugh. But after he continued for several hours, we realized he had no idea what he was talking about.”
“I doubt Ace Miller has ever seen a college basketball game,” added a senior VP for STY. “He kept rambling on about how 'Tom Brady was going to pull it off again.' There was nothing we could do but sit there and watch our company’s bracket and future fall apart.”
Ace Miller’s bracket did not win “The World’s Largest NCAA Tournament Challenge,” and STY will most likely be forced to liquidate all of their remaining assets. Farleigh Johnson and other members of the executive committee for STY will be receiving indictments from the Federal Government on several counts of fraud. Archibald “Ace of Spades” Miller has since checked into a mental health facility.
A letter received from Johnson, as read by his attorney to the public, ended by saying, “…Ace Miller fooled us all.”
Prior reports state Ace Miller filled in ‘The New England Patriots,’ of the NFL, to win every game of every round in the NCAA bracket he filled out for STY.
Hence, his rooting interest.
According to management, this controversial investment was placed in an effort to rescue investors from toxic assets on the company’s balance sheet. A once proud financial institution, STY has been facing financial difficulties for the past several months.
The company’s rapid descent from profitability to obscurity has been described by one employee as “the sort of thing that would remind the CNBC guys to refill their Xanax.”
On March 14, 2009, the time conference basketball tournaments were wrapping up, executive management for STY fired their head mortgage lender, and hired a young hotshot fresh out of the Ohio State University Sports Management Program named Archibald “Ace of Spades” Miller.
“His resume was immaculate,” said STY president and CEO Farleigh Johnson of Miller. “At OSU basketball games he made the Provincial Homestead half-court shot on two different occasions…blindfolded.”
Ace Miller, as he prefers to be addressed, was recruited to oversee STY’s new plan for raising capital. With the support of management, Miller created the ‘ultimate’ bracket and entered it into the “The World’s Largest NCAA Tournament Challenge" on behalf of STY.
Initially, employees were ecstatic with management’s aggressive methods for saving the bank with Miller leading the charge.
“Ace’s confidence in his bracket was really contagious,” added one employee. “It felt like the old days, when people felt good about working at STY.”
However, the renewed confidence at STY was soon replaced by thoughts of skepticism toward Ace. When several of the bank’s employees gathered to watch the opening round of the NCAA tournament at Johnson’s home, a glaring truth became apparent.
“Ace kept rooting for the New England Patriots,” said one disgruntled employee. “At first we thought he was joking and had a good laugh. But after he continued for several hours, we realized he had no idea what he was talking about.”
“I doubt Ace Miller has ever seen a college basketball game,” added a senior VP for STY. “He kept rambling on about how 'Tom Brady was going to pull it off again.' There was nothing we could do but sit there and watch our company’s bracket and future fall apart.”
Ace Miller’s bracket did not win “The World’s Largest NCAA Tournament Challenge,” and STY will most likely be forced to liquidate all of their remaining assets. Farleigh Johnson and other members of the executive committee for STY will be receiving indictments from the Federal Government on several counts of fraud. Archibald “Ace of Spades” Miller has since checked into a mental health facility.
A letter received from Johnson, as read by his attorney to the public, ended by saying, “…Ace Miller fooled us all.”
Prior reports state Ace Miller filled in ‘The New England Patriots,’ of the NFL, to win every game of every round in the NCAA bracket he filled out for STY.
Hence, his rooting interest.
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